HSBC Card Services
Attn: Bosses of Christina - HCSXCQ
P.O. Box 80084
Salinas, CA
93912-0084

Re: Excellent Customer Service

Dear The Man:

I am an account holder of Household Bank and have one of your cards in my wallet. (Acct number: XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX.) I believe that our relationship has been generally favorable for both sides. Oh, sure, with you being The Man and all, I�ve had to watch my back as you are always trying to keep me down and whatever. But I knew going in that such was your nature and as my step-godfather always used to say, �when one makes a deal with The Man, one keeps in mind that The Man has already stacked the odds in his favor.� Yes, Step-Godfather Blaho tortured his subordinate clauses mercilessly, but his meaning remains clear.

Recently, I have been inundated with an avalanche of fees on my account from your institution. Again, it�s to be expected. As The Man you are armed with a quiver of arrows, each more deceitful and cleverly fiendish than the last, all designed to wound me a little as you drain my life�s blood while keeping me alive enough to replenish what you�ve taken that you may drain me again. I do not blame you for using your Fee Avalanche Arrow in your unending quest to keep me down, no more than I blame the shark for using her teeth nor the skunk for using his stink spray.

But when your hateful barbs finally came to be too much, I called your phone center and was lucky enough to have been connected with Christina � HCSXCQ. Now, being The Man I know that the story I�m about to tell you may cause you to want to lash out at Christina as it may appear that she is totally on the side of light against The Man. I urge you to curb that reaction and bear her no ill. Yes, she assisted me in my epic struggle against you, but I�ve won only a battle, not the war and as Sun Tzu reminds it is wise to keep one�s enemies closer than one�s friends.

Christina � HCSXCQ took the time to explain to me where I was going wrong. She taught me how even though I was paying exactly what you told me was the minimum payment required to keep my account in good standing on your website, I must do some kind of bullkaka math to determine what my finance charges will be the following month and THEN ADD THAT SUM to your published �minimum payment� or when you determined my finance charges and added them to my balance it would put me over the limit again and you would get to add that effing fee ad infinitum!

That�s right, The Man! Thanks to Christina - HCSXCQ, I now know your secret. I know that you are going to tell me the minimum payment is sucha sucha much, but sucha sucha much is not the minimum required to avoid the over the limit fee next month! No! I�ve got to do my own math to determine that amount! So, as you can see, you still totally have your hooks in me to the tune of a hateful word problem every month when I get my statement. I�m still being pricked by the Hateful Word Problem Every Month Arrow from your quiver.

I took up a great deal of Christina � HCSXCQ�s time that day and required her to give me a math lesson over the phone with out the benefit of a power point presentation. She never made an effort to rush me off the phone, and though clearly exasperated by my inability to comprehend long division, she worked me through it all. Her long suffering patience and good cheer have led me to the inescapable conclusion that Christina � HCSXCQ totally rules in all ways throughout the known universe in perpetuity.

This is why I�m contacting you, The Man. I feel that as Christina � HCSXCQ is a total asset to your organization you should recognize her with a raise or a bonus or some other financial remuneration. Remember that pats on the back are nice but they don�t pay the electric bill so this should be rewarded with cash first and handshakes to accompany only. You�re a giant bank; I bet you can find a spare $50.00 with Christina � HCSXCQ�s name on it between the cushions of your sofa if you just try. Besides it�s totally in your interests to pay her well as it would be such a shame to lose her to competing call centers run by Capital One or Citi or the like.

Very Truly Yours,

Brian Blaho

BTB:btb

Posted at 2:46 p.m.

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