Oh, Diaryland! I have been so very, very diligent in researching the background of this one because I wanted so very much to tell you all about it, but at the same time, I did not want to breach any confidentiality rules. I have been given the go ahead. I have been told that this matter is a matter of public record and as such it is fair game. It's the proverbial green light. I'm changing it up a bit anyway.

I present for your consideration the matter of Tammy.

Now, bear with me on this background stuff. It's gets a little legalistic, but it will be worth it. I have tried to eliminate as many legal terms as possible, or in the alternative define the ones that have alternate common uses.

In the early nineties, Tammy entered into an agreement with a real estate developer to purchase a two family dwelling as an investment property. She was unsure whether she would be able to obtain a mortgage, but was anxious for work to begin on some renovations. She claims to have entered into a verbal agreement with the developer in which he agreed to discount the purchase price by the amount she spent renovating the property if the mortgage came through, or to refund her costs if she could not get the financing.

When she discovered she was unable to finance the property, she went to the developer and asked him for a little more than five thousand dollars to compensate her for the work she had done. He refused her demand so she sued him for breach of contract. She sued pro se, which means without the assistance of an attorney.

There was a bench trial, which means the parties did not empanel a jury and agreed to be bound by the findings of the judge alone. The judge rejected Tammy's story for credibility reasons. He said that because the defendant was an experienced real estate developer, he would never have given a potential buyer what amounted to a blank check to renovate. He said, this incongruity precluded the possibility of a meeting of the minds, so no verbal contract was ever formed. Based on this assessment of the situation, he entered a judgment for the developer and sent Tammy home with nothing.

It is at this point that I believe Tammy's mental illness kicked in. She became enraged promising to appeal. Her appeal landed on my judge's calendar. Tammy's argument on appeal was incomprehensible, but the Judge noticed a defect in the judgement that permitted her to reverse the judgement of the trial judge.

It seems that in his answer, the developer admitted to agreeing to pay Tammy a little more than $1,800. He also said he'd already paid her about $600 of this debt. So by his own admission he still owed her about $1,200. This was overlooked by the trial judge, so my Judge reversed the judgement of the lower court and ordered a judgement of $1,200 be entered for Tammy.

This was Tammy's one and only victory, and it empowered her to push forward, but it was not a total vindication. The judgement was for less than 25% of what she was asking for. In the subsequent decade Tammy has continued her legal struggle against the horrible developer. She has filed frivolous liens against him and cost him who knows how much in legal fees over the years as he defends himself against her barrage of summons, complaints, and subpoenas.

This matter has driven her quite mad.

The one thing that has kept her head from exploding is the single victory she was afforded at the hands of my judge. The phone numbers to any judge's chambers can be found in the phone book and various legal directories. Since her successful appeal brought my judge's name to her attention, she has come to believe that she has a relationship with the judge. That they share a common bond and are united against the oppressive forces of evil. That if she can just get to the judge, then the judge will see things her way and come to her rescue once again.

The judge, of course, does not accept phone calls from just anyone. She is exceedingly busy, as you can well imagine. Besides which, there is a code of judicial ethics which does not permit the judge to simply gab with one of the parties in a matter without the other party present. Things don't work that way. Additionally, judges don't offer legal advise. You can't call up a judge and ask her what you should do to really get the other party. It's not a judge's function. Giving such advise would put the judge in an attorney client relationship which has vast implications many outside of the legal community may not realize.

So, what does all this mean? It means that for the past decade Tammy has been calling the judge's chambers two or three times a month in an effort to trick the secretaries and clerks into putting her through to the judge.

On Friday I had my first encounter with Tammy.

I am told it will not be my last.

"Judge Selma's Chambers."

"Jes, I was just calling to speak Honorable Judge Selma, who is this please? Who is this?"

"I'm Brian."

"Jes, I was calling to find if Honorable Judge Selma she get document I fax this morning. I fax to her attention, to attention Honorable Judge Selma a document which is very important very important she see regarding urgent matter. Do you know, did Honorable Judge Selma receive? Did Honorable Judge Selma receive very important document with critical information?"

"I'm not sure. I can check for you. Who is this please?"

"Jes, it Tammy and I call last week, but Honorable Judge Selma not return my call, so I say OK I will fax letter I just find to help with my case so Honorable Judge Selma can see it of critical importance. Oh, God in Heaven, please tell me Honorable Judge Selma get it and look it and has eyes opened to critical situation here in Cape May County! Critical!"

"Hold please."

I call out to Ellen. "Did the judge get a fax from Tammy this morning?"

The general office noise stopped and it was eerie how quiet it became. "Is that Tammy on the line?" Ellen asked.

"Yeah. She wants to know if the judge got her fax. Is she a party in some case? I'm having trouble understanding her."

"Oh, Brian. Did you give her your name?"

"Yeah."

"Shit." Ellen held her head in her hands. "Judge! Tammy's back and has fresh meat!"

"Oh, what a nightmare!" the judge calls out. The sound of a manual type writer could be heard from the judge's office.

"We got her fax," Ellen continued, "but I tore it up and threw it away. She's been told not to call, not to fax, not to send us anything anymore."

I got back on the line. "Tammy, hi. You were asking about a fax? Some kind of fax?"

"Jes, Brian. You sound like intelligent man, smart man, of course Honorable Judge Selma only have smart intelligent man work for her, so let me jus tell you something. What a-goin' on down here in Cape May County, it break my heart and make me so upset! Judge Gary he call me at my house and he say to me to take it down so I do and there no lien no more so I respect what he say, but he wish me dead so I send to Honorable Judge Selma tape, did she get my tape? The tape I send with critical about what happening here in Cape May County? Did Honorable Judge Selma receive tape?"

An image flashed in my mind of the Judge taking time out of her day to listen to a tape filled with the ramblings of this crazy woman and after hearing the tape, issuing an order to solve her problems. A laugh welled up inside me and escaped just a little bit. I tried to cover it with a cough.

"You sent the judge a tape?"

"Jes, Brian a tape. Did she receive? Did she receive tape with critical voices to break case wide open and show what is happening down here in Cape May County?"

"Well, the judge doesn't accept packages from parties."

Tammy burst into tears. "Jes, but Brian! What am I gonna do? I'm Israeli, I have accent, I been here for thirty years, but I have accent, I can tell from your English is good and I'm Israeli. I have new information I HAVE TO GET TO HONORABLE JUDGE SELMA! He say to me about the refrigerator he not responsible, but he has to know and she will see and she will know."

Tammy continued to drone on incomprehensibly about her time in the Israeli Army, her considerable money problems, her thick accent, her urgent matters, and the corrupt judges in Cape May County. I kept one ear trained on her.

All around me there was a torrent of activity. I could hear Ellen on the line with the Clerk of the Court. "Listen, you've got to do something about her. She's got her meat hooks in one of my new clerks, it's starting again. Yes, we've told her that. I can hear the new clerk telling her that too. We need some help here."

Meanwhile the manual typewriter continued to plunk away until a piece of paper was dropped on my desk by the judge herself. "This is the Tammy script," The judge said before turning back to her office.

The script went like this.

There is no matter pending in the Appellate Division. The Appellate Division can give you no relief. You have been repeatedly told this on many occasions over many years. The Appellate Division staff will no longer be able to accept any further telephone calls or faxes from you. If you continue to harass the Appellate Division we will be forced to issue an order to show cause for your arrest.

"...but I'm Israeli. Israeli woman smart, they look, they see, you can't cheat they Israeli woman, Brian. Israeli woman they smart. Now, I don't know what nationality Honorable Judge Selma is but she know about Israeli woman. Brian, let me ask you very important question. Judge Selma is Chief Judge of whole state, yes?"

"Well, She's the blah blah blah Judge of the Appellate Division."

"Right, but I see Judge down here in Cape May County do bad, I call her, she fix, she tell Judge Gary what to do and he respect her because she Chief Judge is Honorable Judge Selma. Listen, Brian, she know."

I decided to try out the script. "Yes, well, it's my understanding that there is no matter before this court and you've been told not to call or send faxes, is that right?"

She got angry. "Jes, what you want? You want to see me dead? You want to see me dead in street?"

"Certainly not."

"Jes, Brian, you are intelligent and patient man who work for Honorable Judge Selma and if you not help me they come for me, jes? They will come for me. You tell me not to call is like wishing Jews dead in street, Jes?!"

"Tammy, if you feel threatened, you should call the police, not the Appellate Division. There's nothing we can do to help you."

"Jes, you want to see me dead? I get police involved now? You think they believe me Israeli immigrant or they believe Judge Gary? That what you want? You want me dead in shoot out! Listen, Brian, what happen if I just come down there? What happen then?"

"Here? To the judge's chambers?"

"Jes, Brian, what happen then?"

"Do not come here. The judge does not accept visitors and if you come here you will be arrested."

"Jes, I see. I see you to see me dead!"

I started to protest, to tell her I didn't wish her dead, but about that time Ellen broke onto the line. She was holding her nose for added effect. "This is the operator! I have been instructed to terminate this call!" With that, Ellen slammed down her receiver. "Hang up, Brian!"

So I did.

I came around the corner to look at Ellen. "Wow."

"She's got your name now. She'll call back for you, just wait."

I fear this has only just begun.

Posted at 3:47 p.m.

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