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As you know, I've been working more or less regularly for The Socket, who I have named such due to the gaping hole where his left eye used to be, while I search for the Sooner-Perfect Position. Sooner-Perfect Positions are difficult to find in the current Hateful Bush Economy TM, but I am resolute and have not permitted the damage the Bush administration has done to the economy to get me down. I'm a chin up kind of guy.

Regardless, the Socket has been a practicing attorney for more than fifty years now and as such his practice is coming to an end. He does not seek clients and when clients seek him out he is more likely than not to refuse them. He accepts only cases for which he feels a personal affinity and a very strong belief that the client presents a winning case. No close calls. No noble but ultimately untenable struggles. No bullshit.

He is an old school attorney and cannot be bothered with new-fangled distractions like Lexis or Westlaw, the two most extensive legal databases on the web. This is not a problem because all that time I spent working in the library has made me very proficient with the books. But working for The Socket also requires me to run word processing programs on Windows 3.1. You remember the old blue background and the cardboard cheat sheets you used to tape to your keyboard to remind you of the complicated set of keystrokes required to create a hanging indent. Well, I'm still using them.

Anyway, since I first met him I have been fascinated with his eye, or rather the lack of same. He spends most of the time with his left eyelid closed, but when he raises his eyebrow emphatically or drops his jaw with surprise it peeks open ever so slightly and one can catch a glimpse of an empty eye sack still attached to the muscles in the back of the socket flapping haplessly within. Why he has not opted for a patch or for a prosthetic eye I cannot say. In fact, there is very little to say at all about his current state of eyelessness as this is one of very few personal anecdotes he has not shared with me.

That hasn't stopped me from wondering, however, and I've put my keen powers of observation to the task. Here are my findings Scooby-Doo style.

Clue No. 1: The Matter of the Eyeglasses

The Socket has a pair of everyday glasses and a pair of reading glasses which he switches with some regularity throughout the day. As you may well imagine the work of a lawyer requires frequent heavy reading over the course of the work and if your eyesight is such that you need a boost for reading purposes this would facilitate keeping the second pair of glasses handy at all times. Both pairs of eyeglasses are of recent design. Neither show signs of significant age with regard to the lenses. And most tellingly, both contain prescription lenses on both sides. This is especially evident with the reading glasses as they are thick and if you are looking they serve to magnify the flapping eye sack at lest 7 times. At least.

Clue No. 2: The Puzzle of the Holiday Snaps

Across from The Socket's desk is a window table with a number of personal and family photos. Third from left is a snap of The Socket with his granddaughter feeding pigeons in Venice. Both eyes can clearly be seen to sparkle in the Venician sun. When I removed the backing from the frame, the back of the photograph was dated in light pencil June 22, 1999.

Second from the right is a photograph of The Socket on stage with his wife, Judge Selma. The judge is receiving an award from the state bar association. The banner above their heads reads 2001 and hanging from the podium is a Christmas wreath. The Socket is beaming with pride, but from only one eye.

Clue No. 3: The Question of the Missing Bently

The Socket is a fan of fine automobiles, and as a man of means he has collected a number of them. His fleet used to boast a classic, right hand drive Bentley in beautiful condition. There are photos of the car around the office. He speaks of this car in the past tense indicating that The Bentley is no longer numbered among his possessions.

Fortunately for me, there was some dispute over the value of the vehicle on an insurance claim for which records were kept. I snooped a little and found them. According to these records, in September of 2001 the Bentley was totaled in a collision with a post. The accident caused both The Socket and Judge Selma to suffer severe injuries. The exact nature of those injuries was not spelled out in the file, however there was a single mention of a "permanent loss" of some kind suffered by The Socket.

Therefore, because of the recent style of the glasses we know that the eye was lost recently. Otherwise why install prescription lenses in front of an empty socket. Also, we know that the eye was lost some time between June 22, 1999 and the Christmas season 2001. Finally, in September of 2001 The Socket was in an automobile accident which totaled his favorite car and caused him a permanent loss. It is my deduction, therefore, that the accident injured his left eye irreparably and that he lost it at that time.

Now, this is not certain by any means. There are any number of other possible explanations for the loss of the eye. This assumption, however, seems to fit all known facts and flows logically. I believe it to be the best theory available at this time.

I have been searching for confirmation of this theory with little luck, though I thought I'd accidentally stumbled upon the answer at lunch last week when The Socket announced casually, "you know, Brian, I have only one eye."

I gracelessly dropped a morsel of sashimi from my chopsticks. "Oh?" I managed unconvincingly.

The Socket sighed heavily and returned his attention to his tempura. After a long beat he said, "sometimes, you know, I miss it." Another long beat. "My eye."

I choked down a giggle. Not a mean "ha ha you lost your eye" kind of giggle. An anxious "here it comes all my questions are about to be answered I can hardly stand the anticipation" kind of giggle. But choking down the giggle caused me to choke on some octopus.

"Wassabi," I said to The Socket who had come around behind me to pat my back. "Spicy."

The moment was gone and he has not returned to the subject of his eye again. I remain ever hopeful I'll receive confirmation soon enough. As always I have my eye peeled.

Posted at 3:32 p.m.

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