It seems Jenny Sue, former pageant wonder and southern belle extraordinaire, recieved the promotion she was interviewing for previously. Her new job puts her, from time to time, in direct contact with celebrities visiting the park. Without getting too detailed, the nature of the work performed is such that Jenny Sue is by the side of a celebrity for the duration of the time the celebrity is on site and is responsible for making sure the celebrity has a good time. From what I understand this is coveted work.

Recently, Jenny Sue was assigned her first celebrity. A super model I will refer to as "the super model."

Her first official duty on behalf of the company was to pick the super model up at the airport. On the morning the super model was to arrive, Jenny Sue arrived at work ready to make a good impression. Her make up was trowled on in garish colors. Bright reds, shiny blues, glistening pinks. Her hair had been teased and Aquanetted into a towering masterpiece of design over function. Brett says she had to duck slightly to get through door frames.

She made an entrance into the guest lobby that caused every eye to turn and every jaw to fall agape.

Because Brett is shy, he was first to speak up. "Oh my God. What happened to you?"

Jenny Sue detected a slight lean in her hair so she straightened it up and produced a can of Aqua Net from her pocket. She sprayed it generously filling the room with that hair spray smell. "Why, Brett! Today is the first day I will spend with the super model. I wanted to make a good impression, so I got up early and put in the time. I figure the super model is worth it. What do you think?"

"Oh, well," Brett began, "sweetie, to be quite honest with you, your hair is way way too big. I mean way too big."

"Oh, well my mama always said, the taller your hair, the closer you are to Jesus. That's what my mama always said, and you know what? She was right!"

Brett tells me that this response effectively prevented him from broaching the make up issue.

Jenny Sue went about her preparation a bit nervously. She'd never spent all day with a super model before, and as Jenny Sue herself put it to anyone who would listen, "she is one of the most beautiful women in all the world, Brett, and I mean, I'm gonna be standing right next to her all week and I'm just so nervous about it! ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? What if she doesn't eat lunch? I'm a southern girl, Brett. I can't go without lunch for a whole week. I just can't!"

A few minutes before Jenny Sue was to leave to get the super model at the airport, an enormous dragonfly flew through the window and into the lobby. Jenny Sue jumped into action. "Oh my stars! It's a bird in the lobby! Oh my stars! EVERYBODY GET DOWN! GET DOWN THERE'S A BIRD IN THE LOBBY! OH MY STARS!"

Of course, it wasn't a bird. It was a bug. A great big bug, but a bug none the less. The guest lobby where Brett and Jenny Sue work is fairly open and because Orlando is, by nature, a swamp critters invade from time to time.

The first time Jenny Sue saw a bird in the lobby, she freaked out. "Oh my stars! Everybody listen! I know just what to do! My mama used to shoo sparrows out of the house with a broom. Everybody get down, I'll get the broom and be right back!"

When she returned she was wielding a forty pound industiral vacuum sweeper, which to her credit is in the broom family. She ran around the lobby chasing the bird and swinging the vacume sweeper like it was Thor's hammer, damaging the plaster and the furniture as she went. Had she ever connected with that vacuum she would have turned the bird into a puddle.

This time she found a broom. She reemerged swinging it like a baseball bat and was alarmed to see her co-workers and park guests still standing. "I said GET DOWN! There's a bird in here! A bird! I have experience with this, I know what to do, but you have to get down!"

Just then the dragonfly buzzed her ear and Jenny Sue realized her mistake. She started running in circles screaming "OH MY GOD! IT'S NOT A BIRD! IT'S A BUG! OH MY STARS! FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS GET DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW IT'S A BUG IT'S A BUG IT'S NOT A BIRD IT'S A BUG! OH MY STARS!" She threw the broom at the dragonfly and dove behind a desk like T J Hooker in a shoot out.

She could be heard to inquire from her hiding place, "is everybody down? IT'S A BUG! OH MY STARS! Did everybody get to safety! Get down for heaven's sake!" She peeked over the desk to see a room full of crying children and adults looking at her like this:

The dragonfly flew lazily out the window on its own.

"It's alright now," she assured everyone. "The bug is gone. Oh my stars, what a fright. Oh my stars. Is everyone ok? Did anyone get hurt? Brett, I have got to get to the airport to pick up The Miss Super Model! I have got to go! Will you take care of any injuries here?"

Brett asured her he would. "But, Jenny Sue, we have a bigger problem. Look at yourself. Your make up is smeared and your hair is a mess. You should take a few minutes to fix yourself before you go, 'cause, sweetie, you look like a twenty dollar whore."

"Brett, I just do not have time to fix myself here. I will just have to do it in the car on my way and hope Miss Super Model understands." Jenny Sue broke into a trot on her way out the door.

My apologies to Brett as so much is lost in my version of his stories. He tells them so very much better.

Posted at 11:56 p.m.

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