2002-04-28 � I still don't cheat

Yesterday Tommy and I played mini-golf. I totally trounced him. I layed down a
SMACK DOWN!

As usual, Tommy disagrees. It's so frustrating. We always have this problem when we play games. It's as if he's not capable of accepting a legitimate defeat. It's just so infuriating.

Here's how it went down. We arrived at the mini-golf place and we had a choice. We could play "the falls" or "the pines." I'm a good sport, so I left it up to him. He chose "the falls" which was to the right.

At the end of the first nine holes, the score was thirty-eight to twenty-six. I had a commanding lead.

"Let's not take score," I said. "Let's just play through, have fun, and each of us can do our best."

"Oh, no you don't!" Tommy protested. "I'm gonna win! We're not stopping with the score taking. How many did you shoot that last hole? I'm writing it down with this worthless pencil. We started this keeping score, and we'll finish keeping score.

"I hate playing games with you, Brian, because of just this kind of thing. You're always so difficult. Always trying to be a weasel. This time, you don't get to be a goddamn lawyer. How about that? How do you like that? Huh? No changing the rules midway. None of that bull crap you know I hate. This time, we're just playing through all the way to the end without changing anything and I'm going to win. Again.

"Oh my God! I can't believe you're always trying that shit! One of these days I'm going to scratch your eyes out when you start in on me with your cheating nonsense! It's going to happen and I won't be responsible for it because you'll have driven me to it and you fucking know it!"

"Ok," I said. "If you insist. We'll keep score." I was very accomidating because I love him even when he is irrationally angry.

I don't take pride in soundly defeating my love. I don't. I gave him an out. I did. And to be fair he did rally a come back on the back nine. He closed the gap a bit, but now, well, he'll just have to live with the shame of the publication of our final tally.

In the end, I had sixty-seven strokes and Tommy had only fifty-seven.

I had ten more points than you, loser! In your face!

Posted at 10:18 p.m.

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