�Hello. Yes. Hello?�
�Go ahead. I can hear you.�
�Hello? Is this the law library?�
�Yes.�
�Is this the reference desk at the law library?�
�Yes.�
�Ok. Good.�
�Yes. How can I help you?�
�I have a question.�
�Yes, go ahead.�
�I need some information.�
�I�ll do my best.�
�I need you to tell me�what is your name by the way?�
�Brian.�
�Ok. Brian. Ok. I need you to tell me something.�
�Do you have a question?�
�Well, yes. Of course I do. I called you didn�t I?�
�You did call, yes.�
�Exactly. Now, Brian, my question is this. I need information about the Justice Studies Association�s anual confrence.�
�I�ve not heard of such a confrence. Is it being held at the law school?�
�No. It�s in I think Madison, Wisconsin.�
�Oh, I�m sorry. I wasn�t clear. This is the Rutgers Law School Library in Newark, New Jersey. You�ve misdialed terribly.�
�Just get me some information about the confrence.�
�What kind of information are you looking for?�
�I want to know if I�m presenting at the confrence.�
�Ma�am have you contacted the confrence directly to ask? Isn�t that the kind of thing that the confrence would advise you about ahead of time?�
�No. I�ve not been in contact with them.�
�Well, what is your name?�
�D------.�
�I�ll need your whole name � ma�am are you ok?�
�I�m fine.�
�It�s just that you stopped breathing for a second there.�
�I�m fine. Why would you need my whole name?�
�Well, if I find some information about the confrence they�re not going to list presenters by their first name. It�s not an AA meeting.�
�So, you found the confrence? Is it in Madison?�
�I�ve not looked yet. I need to know what to look for.�
�Well, look then.�
�I�ve found a website for the confrence. There do not appear to be any D------s presenting at this time.�
�Oh.�
�Ma�am are you sure you�re ok? It sounds like you�re moving your sofa. Do you need me to hold?�
�No. Hey listen, while I have you on the line I need a phone number for Google.�
�Google?�
�Yeah. Their number.�
�This is a law library.�
�Eight hundred if they have one.�
�Well, let me see. I�ve found a corporate phone number for you.�
�Ok. Give me that.�
"650��
�Did you say 650?�
�Yes.�
�Not 800?�
�Right. 650.�
�Where is that? 650?�
�It�s in Mountain View, California.�
�Do they have an 800 number?�
�They may, but you�ll need to call directory assistance to find it. I�ve found you a 650 number. Would you like it?�
�Yeah, I guess. But I�ll have to get a pen.�
�You asked for a phone number but you don�t have a pen?�
�No. Hold on. I�ll get a pen.�
And that�s when she flushed the toilet.
Read it again.
She flushed the Goddamn loo.
She�d called me, you see, to have a chat and ask all kinds of questions that are outside of my job description from the stool while she was having a movement. And she wanted me to provide her with information requiring her to take notes, but she didn�t bring a pen and paper with her. She�d only taken her cordless phone.
She did not wash her hands.
�Ok, I�ve got a pen now.�
�6506181499.�
�Slower. Slowly.�
�6. 5. 0. 6. 1. 8. 1. 4. 9. 9.�
�Did you say 618?�
�Yes. 6. 1. 8. 1. 4. 9. 9.�
�Ok. I wish that were an 800 number.�
�Yeah. Me too. Listen, I�ve got to run to the restroom, so I need to let you go now,� at which point I terminated the call.
Posted at 6:17 p.m.
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