2002-08-09 � So, a horse walks into a bar

My thanks to the lovely and charming Insilico for the splendid chat.

synkroniceties [2:32 AM]: so, a horse walks into a bar

Sooner8888 [2:32 AM]: wait!

Sooner8888 [2:32 AM]: Is the horse by himself?

synkroniceties [2:32 AM]: yes, he's a lonely horse

Sooner8888 [2:32 AM]: ok.

Sooner8888 [2:32 AM]: go on.

synkroniceties [2:33 AM]: please incorporate this soul crushing existential situation into the joke

Sooner8888 [2:33 AM]: certainly

synkroniceties [2:33 AM]: no, it's tag team!

Sooner8888 [2:34 AM]: oh.

Sooner8888 [2:34 AM]: sorry.

Sooner8888 [2:36 AM]: OK, the horse in the bar, he's lonely... so he waves the bar maid over and orders a Pabst, which is perhaps the most lonely thing a horse has ever done. The barmaid scurries off dutifully, but when she returns...

synkroniceties [2:37 AM]: ...he realizes she's been thrown off by his sloppy lip-synching [this is mr. ed, non?] and has instead brought a *Grolsch*. he opens the amusingly complicated lever-pop-top, takes a sip, and promptly...

Sooner8888 [2:42 AM]: looses the sensation in his right side. Beer sophisticated enough to legitimately be called ale spills from his droopy right lip onto the table. "Oh how clumsy of me!" the horse said. "You must think me quite the mannerless fool!" The barmaid began to mop up the dribble saying...

synkroniceties [2:44 AM]: ..."is it true about your penises? I mean, that they're really large and you can keep them rolled up near your stomach? Because like, that's totally freaky. Still, I must admit I'm rather fascinated. Perhaps you'd do me the honor of..."

Sooner8888 [2:49 AM]: "...stepping into the back room with me so I can take a quick looksee? I assure you my interest in horse peni is entirely scientific." The horse thought about it for a few. Afterall, he was lonley. But then he politely declined saying...

synkroniceties [2:59 AM]: "jesus, always on about the peni. i mean, like there isn't so much more to me. what about my lush, perky tail? my big brown eyes? my fragrant asshole? do none of these hold the least bit of interest for you? Fine, if you care so much about the penis, then i know an elephant at the zoo who'd glad take his trunk and..."

synkroniceties [2:59 AM]: [gladly]

Sooner8888 [3:07 AM]: "... swing it tween your legs so you can know what it feels like to be burdened with a 27 pound lump of man mean and not even the support of Jockey for Horse. I mean, Jesus! All I wanted was a beer, not this molestation!" And with that the horse...

synkroniceties [3:13 AM]: ...lashed out and bit off her left tit. he chewed it thoughtfully, all the while staring the barmaid straight in her one good eye. then he spat it out, sloppily, so globules of fat like egg yolks dripped from his lips. he stood up and, leaving a fiver on the table, turned and walked towards the door. nodding back at the barmaid lying in shock on the floor, he said to the barman...

Sooner8888 [3:21 AM]: "She can keep the change." He held his head up high and pissed the floor as he left. I should have known better than to order a beer in a bar that smells of hotcakes and Bar-B-Q Sauce.

synkroniceties [3:22 AM]: i am so proud

Posted at 3:24 a.m.

previously on Soonernext on Sooner

last five entries

  • making Sense of the State of the Union -- 2
  • Making Sense of the State of the Union -- Pt. 1
  • But I'm Willing to Learn
  • Rough Draft
  • Political Action