Now, one thing to understand about law students is that we spend all day discussing very personal details about peoples lives and trying to solve their problems. This is generally a good thing. If you needed an attorney to file a suit on your behalf because a product you used caused you to sprout hair from your nipples, for example, you would want her to be able to discuss this personal matter in frank, professional tones. You would not want her to giggle and point and demand to see Polaroids.
(By the way, does anyone know what you call more than one law student? A herd? A pride? A gaggle? Leave me a note or sign my guestbook, or send me email at [email protected])
So, naturally, an ostentation of law students gathered around my beard to inspect the grayness of it and attempt to solve the problem. It was an interesting thing to be a part of. The following was all in very professional and logical tones.
"Oh, yes. I do see quite a lot of gray now that you point it out."
"You should just leave it. It's distinguishing."
"No, to leave it is to accept aging gracefully. Brian, you don't want to let the ravages of time get to you yet."
"What ravages? He's still in his twenties, you are still in your twenties, aren't you?"
"Well, you can always pluck."
"Ah, but plucking is painful."
"And it can lead to ingrown hairs."
"What about shaving the beard? He could just shave the beard. Does he have any gray in his hair? Check the temples, it usually starts at the temples."
"No gray hair that I can see. Just in the goatee. Perhaps he should shave."
"But I like the beard. You look good with facial hair. Don't shave it, sweetie."
"Yes, you should keep the beard. It's best. But what will he do about all those gray hairs."
"Dye them."
"Dye them?"
"Yes, dye them."
"He can get that Just for Men stuff."
"Is it expensive?"
"I don't think so. They sell it in supermarkets."
"OOOOH! That's what he should do! Get the Just for Men stuff!"
"He'll need to be careful not to get it too dark. If he get's dye that's too dark it will look silly. He's generally a medium brown."
"Yes, maybe he should get the kind that washes out. So he can try it, see if he likes it, and if not, nobody will notice as it fades."
"Oh, that's a great idea."
They gathered their things, leaving me quite alone, jaw slack, self esteem fluid.
As they walked off, "My uncle has his hair girl do it."
"Do what?"
"Dye his beard. Maybe Brian should get it done professionally."
"What does something like that cost?"
"I'm not sure. We'd have to call around."
"Is it worth that much effort? He can just do it himself at home. That's bound to be in his budget."
They were out the door. I could hear them walking up the hall.
"I suppose the question turns on how badly he wants to get rid of the gray and how much money he's willing to throw at it. He could always have the gray ones removed through electrolisis."
"Yes, but electrolisis requires a long seires of appointments and as he gets older more gray hairs will grow in. Dying at home is still the best plan."
I couldn't make out any more sentences. Only a few stray words like waste, old, vanity, and babe, though that last one could have been bathe. I'm not sure.
Posted at 1:16 a.m.
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