Addie's eyes lit up and she started jumping up and down. "OOOOOOOH! OOOOOOOH!"
"What is it, Addie?" I asked.
"Oh, Fucker!" Addie calls me Fucker. It is endearing. "Can we go to the Crystal Lake Diner? Can we? Can we? Can we? Can we?"
"I've never been to the CLD," I said. "Is it any good?"
"You've never been to the CLD?" Peth asked. A hint of disgust was evident in her voice. I like to believe it accounts for the frothiness detectable in the corners of her mouth.
"Nope. Never."
"Oh, Fucker! It's the bestest best diner in the whole wide world! You'll love it. It's sooooooooo great!"
In minutes we were on our way. I read about the CLD a lot. Addie is always telling of her CLD adventures in her diary. And Peth even started a diaryring! A Crystal Lake Diner Diaryring!
The first thing I noticed when we arrived was that we were the youngest patrons in the place by about fifty years. There were more walkers hanging from the coat rack than coats, and the Ben Gay was so strong it was less an odor and more of a taste.
Addie had a story for every staff member. "That's Chris. He hates it if you move from table to table and he'll ban you if you take off all your clothes."
She got his attention. "Chris! Four for smoking."
"Addie, we don't smoke," I reminded her.
"I know, Fucker. But we're at the Crystal Lake Diner!" She offered this as explanation and then raised her hands above her head and spun in circles until she fell over. "Fucker! I hit my head!"
The most intersting part of the experience, however, was trying to order food. It seems that Addie doesn't really like the food at the CLD very much.
I'd ask questions like, "How about a burger? Do they have good burgers?"
And she would say, "Yes. Everything here is excellent. But I've never had a burger. I don't really eat beef unless I raise the cow and butcher it myself. That way I can make sure the feed is pesticide free. The halibut is great though."
"Well, what about pasta? Do they make good pasta?"
"Oh, Fucker, I don't really know. I've never had the pasta. I bet it's really good though, because everything here is good. Try the halibut."
"Do you like the stuffed mushrooms?"
"They're great! Everything here is great. I've never had them though. I really like the halibut."
"What have you had?"
"The halibut. I think they make good omelets, but I've never tried them. Everything is good here. It's the Crystal Lake Diner!"
Peth had the string beans instead of the brussel sprouts. I think she lost a bet.
Posted at 10:35 p.m.
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