2005-02-02 � A Few Items From My Desk

A news item that caught my eye. As always my comments follow.

Rabbi probed for circumcised infants' herpes:
Baby died from disease after undergoing procedure

MSNBC staff and news service reports

City health officials are investigating the death of a baby boy who was one of three infants to contract herpes after a rabbi circumcised them.

Ten days after Rabbi Yitzhok Fischer performed religious circumcisions on twins last October, one died of herpes and the other tested positive for the virus, according to complaint filed by the health department in Manhattan Supreme Court.

The complaint, reported in Wednesday�s edition of the New York Daily News, also said health officials later found a third baby who had contracted herpes after being circumcised by Fischer in late 2003.

Under Jewish law, a mohel � someone who performs circumcisions � draws blood from the circumcision wound. Most mohels do it by hand with a suction device, but Fischer uses a practice rare outside strict Orthodox groups where he uses his mouth to draw blood after cutting the foreskin.

Herpes can cause potentially severe complications for infants because of their undeveloped immune systems. A recent study published in the journal Pediatrics said that the rare ritual puts newborns at serious risk of contracting herpes simplex virus and shouldn't be performed as part of the circumcision procedure.

Fischer�s lawyer, Mark Kurzmann, told the Daily News that Fischer was cooperating with the investigation, although it�s unclear whether Fischer submitted to the city�s request for a blood test.

�My client is known internationally as a caring, skilled, and conscientious mohel,� Kurzmann said.



Holy shit. Many religions have totally bizarre rituals but I had no idea that any of them ever included the officiant putting his mouth on the penis of an infant and giving it a good suck.

And the Catholics think they�ve had problems.

~~~~~~

Recent correspondence:

January 24, 2005

Counsel to the President, Alberto Gonzales, Esq.
Second Floor, West Wing
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW,
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Alberto Gonzalez, Esq.:

You may or may not remember me, but I was in the audience when you gave the address to the graduating class of 2003 at the commencement of the Rutgers School of Law �Camden. I was wearing a maroon sweater under a blue suede (I know) wind breaker with dark grey trousers. I was off to the right of you as you looked out on the crowd from the stage of the Tweeter Center. That was totally me.

Anyway, I was there to hear you give an address to a bunch of South Jersey grads about how cool Texas is and how much you love Texas and why Texas totally rules and what not. You also mentioned how rockin� it was to be at the President�s side while he ordered our troops into Baghdad. I even detected a tear in your eye during that whole �glories of war� part of your talk if I�m not mistaken.

Well as you know I do not like or trust Texans. I find that when I share this sentiment with a Texan, such as yourself, I am often faced with an incredulous response. The look on the Texan�s face seems to scream, �how could you fail to like or trust Texans? It is my belief that everything about Texas totally rules hard core! What is this not liking or trusting Texans business?!� That�s my perception of the looks I get at any rate.

So I�ve been thinking that maybe I have judged Texans too harshly. Maybe my brush was too broad. Maybe there are reasons that can be found for liking or trusting Texans. And that is why I am writing to you. I have to tell you, Alberto, I believe it will be very difficult for you to convince me that Texans are likable or trustworthy given your very public stance on torture and how you totally love it and endorse it and whatever. But as the very skilled attorney who was able to convince that Texas state judge to let the then Governor Bush out of jury duty in a way that failed to expose his drunk driving conviction, I feel like you are just the counsel to make a convincing argument for the liking or trusting of Texans. Couple that ability to make a concise and specific argument with your obvious love of the place and you should be able to ferret out at least one convincing reason to like or trust Texans.

I realize your schedule is pretty full with Senate confirmation hearings but write me back as soon as you have time.

Still Dubious About Texans,
[Sooner McSoonersonville]


~~~~~~

January 26, 2005

Star Jones, Esq.
C/O ABC Television Network
77 West 66th Street
New York, NY 10023

Dear Star Jones, Esq.:

Permit me to introduce myself. My name is [Sooner McSoonersonville] and I am also a lawyer who chooses not to practice, though I could never hope to be as glamorous a non-practicing lawyer as you have become. Never in a million years, Star! Never! In addition I shop at Payless Shoe Source way more than I should, just like you, I�m curvier than I want to be, just like you, and when I wear a wig I make people BELIEVE it�s my own hair, just like you. So as you can see, Star, we totally have a whole lot in common.

And that is why I am seeking your counsel. Star, I recently saw pictures of your wedding and I don�t care what anybody says it wasn�t over-hyped or over-produced one bit. It was YOUR day and as long as you were happy with it that�s all that matters, girlfriend! And it is my firmly held belief that anyone with the obvious taste it takes to *star* (get it?) in a wedding with such an astronomical level of conspicuous consumption is too cool for school in my book I can tell you.

Anyway, last night my friend Bevin and I were planning on attending JSW�s secession event. You know the one. He�s the forward thinking activist who�s taking the lead on getting New York and any other blue state that wants to join us out of the union so that we�re not being dragged down by those icky red states any more. As you know last night was the kick off event. Bevin and I wore all black. We even had black berets. Star, we were so totally revolution core that I can�t even stand it.

But tragically on our way from Jersey City, NJ, USA into New York, NY, Blue States of America, we hit a pot hole that was camouflaged under a crapload of slush and Jackknife Becky suffered a completely obnoxious flat. So we had to be diverted to the Pepboys for tire fixing purposes and it�s totally hard to fight against the man when you are relying on the man to fix your car, you know? I mean, seriously. You just can�t revolt against the person you�re paying to perform a service for you. I think that�s self evident to all of us who are lawyers.

Well, long story and one roasted garlic and mushroom pizza later we completely missed the secession event and that sucks mostly because I don�t want any more of my tax dollars to be redistributed to the relatively less wealthy red states given that they hate me out there on account of being gay and whatnot. I will not willingly subsidize those poor ass fuckers (excuse my French) any more, Star!

So I was hoping that because we have so much in common and we think just alike in all important ways that you had heard of the secession event and had a chance to attend and that maybe you picked up an extra flyer? I�d really appreciate it if you could fill me in on what went down.

Write me back!
[Sooner McSoonersonville]

P.S. You should totally have JSW on The View so we can really get the ball rolling on this.

Posted at 11:00 a.m.

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