Today I was working in the library. Peth didn't bother to show, so she left me alone with Theresa. Also, none of the student workers showed, notably the loaf, so even though Theresa was around I pulled double duty as both the reference and circulation person.

As is often the case, a number of my friends came in to see me today. They happened to be, for the most part, female. They also happened to be, for the most part, lesbians. They came and chatted with me at the circulation desk and we had a ha ha good time.

The last person to visit me was Bevin, a lesbian who I worked to death today. She excused herself to collect her belongings telling me she'd be right back.

It seems that my socializing did not go unnoticed by Theresa. She whisper-yelled in her way "Hey Brian! Oh, Brian! Hey!"

So I turned and said, "yes?"

"You sure do got the girls today!"

I don't think like that, so I really didn't put it together yet. "What?" I asked.

"There sure are a lot of girls who wanna talk to you today! What did you do to get so many girls all over you? What you been promising them?"

"I'm sorry, Theresa, I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, come on Brian!" She wagged her finger at me. "These girls been in here all day and they ain't never spent so much time a the desk as when you been here. You better be careful or your girlfriend might get jealous!"

So, it took me a while but I finally understood what she was talking about. I don't know how she got the impression I had a girlfriend. "Oh, I don't have a girlfriend, Theresa. I have a b--"

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHH! I bet you have a girlfriend by the end of the day then! I bet you do, with all them girls all over you like that. I bet you do!"

"No, no. You don't understand."

"Oh, I have sons. I know how it is. Oh, I know. I have sons."

"But, Theresa, I don't think you do. I'm not interested in those girls that way. And I know they're not interested in me that way either."

"Oh, I just hope I don't have to see a cat fight. You just better hope two of them don't show up at once. That's a dangerous game. Let me tell you something about girls, Brian. Let me tell you. Girls get they's hearts broken real easy." She pulled her Christmas sweater tight around her midsection and stared over my shoulder. "Real, real easy."

By this point I couldn't figure out exactly what to do, so I decided to just roll with it. I mean, she was trying to give me girl advice, so I didn't break the lesbian's hearts when I played them against each other, which I am apt to do as a gay man. And Theresa used the term "cat fight" so it was Twilight Zone enough without me trying to offer a deaf woman of some great age a seminar on the modern understanding of sexuality. Besides, I was really, really busy trying not to stare at her like this:

So I said, "yeah. I know. Real easy."

About that time Bevin reappeared. I wanted to go to the soda machine in the basement so I told Bevin I'd ride the elevator with her. I turned to tell Theresa, I'd be right back.

"Theresa, I'm going to get a soda. I'll be right back."

Theresa started sniggering a little and winked at Bevin. "Right back? Are you sure?"

I was pretty sure.

As the elevator doors closed, I heard Theresa yell from the circulation desk, "don't hurry on my account!"

Posted at 12:45 a.m.

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