2002-03-30 � The Day Carol Came Into My Life

A few minutes ago, Carol came bursting into the library. Her face was red and puffy, her hair slicked back in that untidy way as opposed to the rigid professional way, her pits sporting growing sweat stains.

It's fifty degrees out side.

She laid across the circulation desk, climbing it a little. At one point she had only one foot on the ground, the other was being used to straddle the desk.

"Is this the law library?" she gamely asked.

I tried not to be alarmed that her voice was deeper than mine. "Yes," I told her.

"I gotta show you my ID?"

"No, the library is free and open to the public."

She reached into her sock and started producing an alarming number of objects. A lipstick, a twenty dollar bill, a hand mirror, a sanitary napkin. She marshalled her collection on the desk, corralling the items with her hand as if they were in the process of running off.

"Let me just get you that ID," she said.

"I don't need to see your ID for you to be permitted into the library."

She looked at me all puzzled. "The cop said I need to show you ID."

"What cop?"

"Out there. The cop out there, he said, 'the law library is over there and you need to show an ID--'"

I cut her off. "I'm sorry you got misinformation. He was mistaken."

"So I can just be here? Wander around? Do I do it myself? Where's the law?" She slipped off the circulation desk and grabbed hold of a stack of papers to try and break her fall. They were, of course, not secured to anything so she hit the ground and scattered the papers in an impressive display.

I helped her to her feet, trying not to touch her dampest parts. "Well, that depends, I guess. What question are you researching? What do you want to know?"

She leaned in and tapped my chest with her index finger. "Illegal searches."

"Ok, what about illegal searches? What do you want to know?"

She rested her arms on my shoulders in a gesture I deemed to be too familiar. "Guy got pulled over. I didn't even know him, I was just in the passenger seat. Now I got a possession charge, see. I wasn't speedin', see!"

She paused for a moment. "Well, not in a car anyway!" She burst into laughter so raucus it knocked her to her knees. "Not... speeding... in... the... car..." She gasped for air a little.

"Was this in New Jersey?" I asked.

"Depford," she said as she used the hem of her t-shirt to wipe the tears from her eyes and the foam from her lips.

"Well," I said, "I can show you how to use the materials in the library. How to look up the answer to your question. The New Jersey materials are right this way."

"Don't you just know? Can't you just tell me?"

"No. I only know how to use the library's resources."

She looked a little put out. She started mopping her brow. "Woo!" she said. "Woo Woo! It's hot out there, you know? It's hot! I hate weather like this. Hate it. Hate it hate it hate it! Hate. It. I do, boy. I do. I just hate weather like this."

I looked around for a hidden camera.

"Yeah, fifty degrees is the worst. Balmy."

"Well," she said, "if we gotta go through all this rigamarol I better get a tissue or a paper towel or something so I can..." She trailed off a bit. "...'cause I'm sweating here! Woo!"

I dutifully pointed her toward the bathroom. She headed off in that direction and then stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around and asked, "I'm Carol. What's your name?"

"Jim," I lied.

"Well, Jim, I better get my stuff and put it back in my pocket book. Jim, ain't nobody gonna steal my stuff while I'm in the shitter. NO-to-the-BODY, Jim! NO-to-the-fuckin'-BODY!" She carefully placed all of her posessions back in her sock. Once she was satisfied that she could jump without losing a lipstick, she turned and headed for the restroom.

That was over an hour ago. I've not seen Carol since.

Posted at 1:18 p.m.

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