I was just at the post office even though there is lots of anthrax in New Jersey post offices. I am brave. I did not go to the big post office; I went to a small post office in a strip mall. The sign on the door said "24 hour lobby service has been temporarily suspended."

Anyway, I came in on the middle of a conversation between the guy behind the counter and another postal customer.

"...because if I don't wear them I get all kinds of questions about why I don't got gloves on. I mean, I work here, do I have to take this abuse too?" He was wearing brilliant blue gloves to handle the mail.

"I know, I know" the customer consoled.

When it was my turn I placed my five envelopes on the counter and said, "This is anthrax free mail, I can tell you." What can I say? I panicked. So the blue-gloved man took my mail and looked it over very closely. �It�s just my phone bill and a check to the Visa card people. Why would anybody want to send deadly spores to them?�

He took out a mask and strapped it to his ears. He was examining my mail under a microscope. �I�m not a terrorist, I swear.� He looked at me askance and continued his inspection. I decided to shut up and wait for him to finish.

Once he had satisfied himself that I was just trying to pay my bills he came over to ring me up. �Oh, I need a book of stamps too.� He reached under the counter and produced the flag ones.

�Oh, well, see, do you have any pretty stamps? I mean, cooler stamps? Not that flags aren�t cool. I mean they�re very cool, and all, and they�re all wavy and stuff with star spangledness. It�s just, I mean, they�re so common. Not that common is bad, �cause it�s not! No sir, not at all. It�s just that I like the pretty ones, the special ones, better than the flags even though I LOVE flags, especially the American flag, because I love my country. I�m a real patriot, I am. God bless America! The country that gives us choices about stamp design.�

So he narrowed his eyes and got a book of choices for me and I tried to ask him a question about one of the designs but I could tell by the way he was acting that he was not really in the mood to chat. I know this because he said, �I am not going to go over every page in that book with you.� So I asked him to please get me the stamps with the gophers. And then I realized that it only had ten stamps on a sheet so I had to ask for a second one. I wanted to ask for the book again so I could choose different pretty stamps, but he wasn�t having any of my stuff.

So I paid him and I left. On the way out the door I heard him curse me. Do you think postal workers can contract a third form of anthrax? The deadly attitude anthrax?

Posted at 11:10 a.m.

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