Anyway, we saw "L.I.E." which has been rated NC-17 because there are gay 15 year olds and a pedophile named "Big John." I can safely say that this is my second favorite pedophile movie ever. My favorite pedophile movie is "Happiness" which is another diary entry entirely. Although, "L.I.E" (which stands for Long Island Expressway by the way) does have a masturbation scene set to calypso music, so it is a very close second.
Anyway, we were watching the movie when we became aware that we had been transported from the theater and into that dog bone shaped prison thing on MST3K only it was not any fun and certainly not funny. The peanut gallery of old, bitter queens behind us provided a running commentary about the sexual prowess of the 15 year olds on screen and really gave the flick some perspective, considering it was about pedophelia and all.
"I guess he's gonna get that blow job after all."
"Unnnnnn-hunnnnnnnnnh!" the other would reply.
There was a scene in the movie where the hero, Howie, has been essentially abandoned by everybody who cares about him. His mom has died, his father has been hauled off to federal prison by the FBI and his crush has moved to California. He's sitting all alone on the curb and watching the passing traffic, which included a couple of kids with water pistols.
Anyway, during the filming a cloud moved across the sky and it cast a shaddow that moved swiftly across the lawn behind Howie. The conversation behind us, full voice mind you, turned to the topic of film making technique.
"That shaddow reminds me of something I once saw on TV."
"Really?"
"Oh yes, really."
"Well why don't you tell me about it?"
"I was gonna, you Goose! You didn't give me time."
"Well, we got nothing but time now!"
"Ha! You're right."
"Aren't I always?"
"Don't get ahead of yourslef."
"Just tell me about what you saw on TV."
"Well, This girl was sitting there and behind her the world totally sped up and moved very quickly from afternoon to evening and it got dark, but she stayed in real time. It was realy spectacular!"
"You know what that means, don't you?"
"No, what?"
"Well, they had to have two images to put together. One of the girl and one of the background!"
"Do you think that's how they did that?"
"I'm pretty sure."
And then they got shushed. I was very close to shushing them myself. I'm that guy who does that. Once I was at a wearwolf movie (you remember that one with Jack Nicholson?) with April and there was a baby who got scared by the carnage on the screen and started to and and and so I yelled, "Get a sitter!" and every one laughed and they took the baby out.
I wanted to do that again, but I didn't. Somebody beat me to it. I'm a loser.
In other news, I'd like to publicly thank Kipper the cat and her owner for sponsoring me on the AIDS walk. If you wanna sponsor me send me mail at [email protected]
Posted at 8:18 p.m.
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