2001-09-17 � if it ain't broke

It has been quite a while since I worked with Theresa. I'm not exactly sure of her schedule and I'm afraid to ask her. I see her when I work at the library on weekends. Theresa, you see, is about 143 years old. She lives by herself, though I'm not sure why. Perhaps she is a widow or a confirmed bachelorette. The problem, you see, is that I can't ask her. She can't hear. And she uses no augmentation device to assist with the hearing. She just sits and stares and works and stares and reads mysteries.

Anyway, I'd forgotten what it was like to work with her but now I remember. She's frustrating. Take this for example.

At the library we have a machine that dispenses copy cards. Only the staff has access to this machine. If a patron would like to purchase a card she must present a one dollar bill to someone in circulation and that person goes into the reserve room where the machine eats the dollar and poops out a card worth fifty cents. Quite a scam, huh?

Also at the circulation desk we have a log which we use to communicate stuff back and forth between the various members of the staff. Ordinarily I'm a bit insulated from all of this log/card business because I work in reference. But I happened to be behind the desk talking with the circulation people when the first request for a copy card came in. Peth had read the log and noted that the previous evening the machine had eaten a few dollars without producing cards. She struck a deal with the patron. She said, "We'll try it and if it eats your money I'll give you a dollar in quarters from my purse. My coin purse has skulls on it."

So anyway, the machine ate the card and Peth grinned and giggled when she dug some quarters from her skull bag. During all of this, the discussion of the log, the grand experiment with the copycard machine, the quarters from the skull coin purse Theresa was off doing her Theresa thing.

About an hour later a patron came up requesting a copy card. Theresa took his dollar and headed for the machine. "Theresa!" I whisper-yelled from my desk, "Don't. The machine is down!" She rounded the corner still intent on putting the dollar in the dollar eating machine. I started gesticulating. I was waving and jumping and whisper-yelling because it is a library, after all, and still she shuffled toward the machine. The patron could see and hear me so he reached across the desk to tap her shoulder. She was just out of his reach and had tunnel vision so he couldn't get her attention. I ran over, hurdling the benches between the reference desk and the circulation desk. I finally stopped her, explaining that the machine was down.

"Is there a sign on the machine?" she asked.

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"They should put up a sign. I would have put the money right in there, I would have."

"Do you want to put up a sign?"

"Is there a sign on the machine?"

"Let me check. No, no sign."

"They should put up a sign. I would have put the money right in there, I would have."

"Well, you'll remember that it's broken now."

"Is there a sign on the machine?"

"No."

"They should put up a sign. I would have put the money right in there, I would have."

So Peth, who had returned, saw the situation and said, "Theresa, do you want me to put up a sign? I'll make one and tape it to the machine."

"Is there a sign on the machine?"

"Not yet. I'm making one now."

"They should put up a sign. I would have put the money right in there, I would have."

"There we go. I put up a sign. See, Theresa. A sign on the machine. It says the machine doesn't work."

"Them kids are with me. One is 4 and the other is 4, or I mean 2. And I love them kids, but I gotta go around and turn out all the lights and they been there since April or maybe March."

So I asked the obvious question. "What kids?"

"I love them kids. One is 4 and one is 2 and the brother is 4."

"What? You're not making sense."

"One is 2 and one is 4 and I love them kids."

So I went back to my desk.

A little later, Peth was out on her lunch break and Theresa came over to the reference desk. "Did somebody call them people about that machine? Cause if they don't know it's broke they won't come fix it."

"I don't know Theresa, let's check the log and see if anybody called."

"Cause if they don't know it's broke they won't come fix it."

"I know, Sweetie. Let's see. Oh, yeah. It looks like Chrandra called when she discovered the problem last night."

"Did anybody call them people about that machine?"

"Yes."

"Cause if they don't know it's broke they won't come fix it."

"I know. But Chrandra called. You know CHRANDRA. She called."

Theresa looked confused. "Did somebody call them people?"

"YES. CHRANDRA CALLED LAST NIGHT. SHE CALLED AND SAID, �HI THERE COPYCARD PEOPLE, THIS IS THE RUTGERS LAW LIBRARY AND OUR COPY CARD MACHINE IS BROKEN. PLEASE SEND SOMEONE TO FIX IT AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE. THANK YOU.' THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID WHEN SHE CALLED �THEM PEOPLE!'"

"Cause they won't come fix it if they don't know it's broke."

I grabbed the phone. "I'll call. I'll call. You've beaten me down, and I have decided to call. Here I go. I'm calling." I dialed random numbers.

"Are you calling?"

"Yes, I'm calling. I'm calling to report the copy card machine."

"Somebody should call them people."

James Earl Jones was telling me to try my call again. "Hello? Is this them people? Come fix the machine, it's broke. Come quickly, Theresa is very anxious about it. Come fix the machine, it's broke. Bye." I hung up.

"They won't come if they don't know it's broke. Did you call?"

"Yes, I called."

"Good."

Later she pestered Peth til she called. I imagine she pestered everyone there on Sunday as well. God help them.

Posted at 2:00 p.m.

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