I was at the Burger King down the road from my office for lunch today. I was enjoying my chicken like sandwich and reading a book when a man came and sat in the booth next to mine. He was facing me and there was nothing between us to block my view. It was Elvis.

Oh yeah, baby. The Finger-lickin' King! I know it was Elvis because my dad was obsessed with Elvis while I was growing up and I've seen all the LP covers. It was him.

So I started to get a little nervous, you know, �cause ELVIS and all and I sort of smiled �cause now we were making eye contact. Elvis snarled his snarly smile and winked. He stroked his mutton chop and adjusted his great big rhinestone enhanced sunglasses.

After all we've heard over the years about the King's diet, I thought it would be my public duty to check out what he was eating. Here's the skinny: Whopper with cheese (no tomatoes evident), king size fries, an oreo pie thingy, and a medium soda. I don't know what flavor the soda was, but it was brown. Let's just say, I doubt it was Diet.

We made eye contact again and I said "I saw Willie Nelson last weekend" because I couldn't think of anything else to say and it was an awkward moment and I didn't want to say I have all your albums because I don't and I didn't want to tell him I was glad he wasn't dead because that seemed like it might be rude and I panicked and it was all I could think of to say.

So Elvis looked at me like I had lost my mind, and I might have because I was talking to Elvis, and he said, "That's great." But he said it in such a way that I knew he didn't mean it but just wanted me to not talk to him again. I took the hint, but was kicking myself for not making a better impression on Elvis.

Then I got up and left. I just couldn't stay any longer �cause I wasn't "taking care of business" and I was certain that Elvis wasn't going to give me a car or anything.

On my way to my car I passed Elvis's van which very cleverly says "Elvis Impersonators of Mercer County" and gives a phone number on it. I always thought Elvis would be smart, but I had no idea that he would be so smart as to hide in an agency that impersonates him. It's a brilliant plan for somebody that wants to stay dead.

Still, I wish the King had wanted to be my friend. I'm such a dork.

Posted at 2:45 p.m.

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