I asked if he hired his services. We all laughed.
I made Tom, the boyfriend, walk me in again. I had put the broom by the door again, �cause while I was sure he would be discouraged, I'd learned not to take chances with this thing. It had been a prudent move. I opened the door and I saw it scurry into the kitchen. I started yelling at it. I was no longer that scared, I was mad. Tom came in and stood behind me and my broom. I banged on the wall and it came running out of the kitchen. I hit it with the broom just to let it know I was home.
I grabbed the phone and called Michael. "Bring the trap," I said, "he's in my kitchen right now." Michael giggled a little and I could hear his daughter in the background making fun of us. She was absolutely delighted to see we had been outsmarted by a squirrel.
I told Tom to call Chris. I don't know why, but since I had been telling them about my squirrel all day I figured she might as well know it's not gone. He was talking to her and I started to sniff the air. The mothball smell was not evident. They were gone just like the bags from the night before. I have no idea what the squirrel did with them, but I have images of him eating them like after dinner mints. I imagined myself recounting the incident to my grandchildren. "I had no idea that mothballs were like squirrel spinach and when they eat mothballs they get super strength!"
The squirrel stuck its head out of the kitchen again and peered at me. Then it made its move. It charged me, but I missed it with the broom. It ran through my legs and dove for the corner where it had created the new hole. But it was having trouble getting through the opening. It ran back into the kitchen.
Then it charged me again, and again I missed it with the broom. It ran to the hall where it was shocked to encounter Tom and brushed his leg as it scurried past him into the bedroom. When the squirrel touched Tom I think his life passed before his eyes. I was delighted, however, to have someone to share this experience with. In the future, I'll have someone to back me up when I start to exaggerate. It ran right up my bed and into the screen window again. It hung there briefly, then ran over to my desk where it jumped onto my computer keyboard. From our vantage point in the hall we could only hear the computer's protests as the animal danced on its keys.
The squirrel came shooting around the corner and down the hall back into the kitchen. Tom and I quickly opened the screens in the bedroom and the patio door. I really wanted to bat it out of the park again. We scared the squirrel out of the kitchen and tried to get out of its way so it could head back into the bedroom.
This was harder than it seems. The method the thing employs is to charge you no matter how open the path is. Once it was back in my bedroom, I stood at the door with my broom and swatted it back in a couple of times when it tried to leave. I wanted it to go back to the window and out into a tree.
Now you have to understand that the whole time, Tom was giving Chris a play by play over the phone. "Oh it's back in the kitchen. It's running right for me! It's in the bedroom. Oh, Brian hit it with the broom. Oh it's on the computer again. Ewww. It's on the pillow." I could hear Chris's laughter even though the receiver was pressed to Tom's ear.
Eventually it did try for the window again and did jump out. We shut the screens and congratulated each other on not panicking too much. Michael soon arrived with the trap. It was baited with peanuts and peanut butter. We set it up in the bathroom and made arrangements to leave it outside if I caught anything overnight.
I went to sleep easily that night and this morning when I got up, there was no squirrel eating my Doritos, but also no squirrel in the cage. I left it set and went to work. When I get home today I hope to have something to taunt. I'll let you know what happens.
I hate squirrels.
Posted at 4:38 p.m.
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