Yesterday Theresa brought us all lunch. She whipped up some weiners which had been deftly pulled from her bag of tricks. Today we decided to be preemptive. We brought lunch in for ourselves, just in case Theresa had another culinary treat up her sleeve. We even had a sandwich for her.

She had the following to say. "I just need some ketchup. Did you get any ketchup? If there was some ketchup, oh, here is some."

Then from nowhere, "I like those McDonalds McFish or whatever they're called. They's so good!"

Peth asked, "Do you like those? The McFish?"

"Oh, heavens yes. We went there last night and they had happy meals and I was disappointed. I tried to freeze it and in the oven, but I can't get it to be as good as them they got because, you know, them kids love fish sticks. We asked for the mayonaise on the side, 'cause we usually do or else... or not mayonayse, but the, you know, the sauce, whachacallit? On the side? So then you get it hot? The McFish is hot that way. But I guess they had rewarmed it and I was disappointed. You should try it, but get the whachacallit on the side."

~~~~~~~

This morning I asked her if she wanted me to get her some coffee. "No, no my son brought me some coffee this morning. Every Sunday we have coffee and a donut."

I wanted to do some research for lastleg and this seemed to be a perfect opportunity. She gave me an in. So I asked, "How many kids do you have, Theresa?"

And she said, "Five living."

I abandoned my research immediately.

~~~~~~~

Yesterday Peth's friend, whose diary now has a shiny silver lock on it, called and Peth was away from the circulation desk. Peth was in her ofice.

So Theresa answered the phone and -- Oh wait. Before I get into the heart of this Theresism I should tell you that Peth's last name is a real word. It is a word you may have used in conversation today. I won't tell you what it is for real, but for the purposes of this diary Peth shall be known as "Peth Monkeyshines." It's important because her last name, Monkeyshines, is an element of the story.

So I'm sitting at the reference desk and I hear "Rutgers Law Library. Huh? Wha? Monkeyshines? You want Monkeyshines? We don't have any Monkeyshines."

"I get up and wave to Theresa. "That's Peth!" I whisper-yell. "It's Peth. The caller wants to speak to Peth."

Theresa continued. "Maybe they have Monkeyshines over to the campus center or to the book store. Monkeyshines, I never heard of such a thing. Monkeyshines."

So I bound over the benches and when I arrive to rescue the caller Theresa says, "They want Monkeyshines."

And I say, "That's Peth."

And Theresa said, "I don't know from Monkeyshines."

And I said, "It's Peth's last name. Monkeyshines is Peth's last name."

And Theresa said, "I don't know from Monkeyshines."

I took the phone from her. I got the call transferred to Peth and then I turned to explain the situation to Theresa in case a caller ever called in the future and used Peth's last name. "Her last name is Monkeyshines" I explained patiently.

"Yeah."

"Sometimes a caller will call and ask for Monkeyshines. When that happens the caller wants to talk to Elspeth."

"Yeah."

"So this caller who asked for Monkeyshines wanted to talk to Eslpeth too. Just like the imaginary caller we were just talking about."

"Oh, I know" she said.

~~~~~~~

A few minutes ago Theresa was pushing a cart of books past the reference desk. I overheard her muttering "...hate it when they get them books stuck from outta real high..." I don't know what it means.

~~~~~~~

Yesterday My Plum came to visit us in the library. She doesn't work on the weekends so she just popped in to say hello. She had never met Theresa before. Addie has her septum pierced and Theresa was fascinated by it. She couldn't stop staring.

Later when Addie was on her way out, she came by the reference desk to tell me that she was going shopping for shoes and thereby fill me with jealousy. While she was over by me, Theresa leaned in conspiratorialy to Peth and "whispered" a few questions about Addie. We could hear them clearly.

"Who is that girl? The one with the thing?"

Peth answered, "Oh, that's Addie. She works on Tuesday and Thursday evenings."

"Here?"

"Yes. She works in the library a couple of evenings a week."

"Is she, you know, a nice girl?"

"Oh, yes. She is."

Theresa continued to stare hard at the septum piercing. Later Addie reported feeling a bit uncomfortable under Theresa's glare. Do you think that is Theresa's superpower? To stare real hard?

~~~~~~~

Now Theresa is picking at another lesion on her skin. She should get those checked out.

Posted at 1:20 p.m.

previously on Sooner � next on Sooner

last five entries

making Sense of the State of the Union -- 2

Making Sense of the State of the Union -- Pt. 1

But I'm Willing to Learn

Rough Draft

Political Action