For any of you who have never tried it, Jagermeister is horrid and is consumed only for getting drunk purposes. It accomplishes this very well. Legend has it that the original Jagermeister formula was fermented deer�s blood, but I�m unsure of the veracity of such a claim today. If cough syrup had been invented in New Orleans it would taste like Jagermeister and do largely similar things to your demeanor.
Also in attendance at the party, my great friend Chris, who likes to stir things up, and another of our professors. I was sitting at the table with Tommy and Chris�s other half, Lisa, chatting about our various futures and Chris came flying by, which is her way, saying �Ferzan�s had a lot of wine! I think she�s gonna get hammered!� This made very little impression on the three of us. We nodded politely and she flew off to tell the next batch of party guests, �Ferzan is getting trashed! This party rocks!�
We resumed our conversation. Lisa was saying, �no, I think I�d like to run a bookstore like that. It�s quaint, you know. You get to know the patron, the pace is pretty easy, and oh my god what is she doing?� The she in question was, of course, Chris, who had convinced Professor Ferzan to move on from wine and start doing shots of Jagermeister. I watched Ferzan do two shots, smooth and easy.
Later Tommy and I were making our rounds, saying good bye and such. We ran into Professor Ferzan around the brie en croute and I said hello.
�Hello, there� she responded. Her cheeks were rosier than normal, but she was by no means as hammered as we�d been promised. �How�s your semester?�
�Oh, I�m anxious to have it over. You know how it is when you get near the end.�
�Yeah. Do you know what you�re doing after you graduate?�
�Not yet. I�m still weighing the options.�
�That�s good. Plenty of time.�
Then it got uncomfortably quiet. So I said, �I saw you really put it away earlier.�
�What?�
�You know, the Jagermeister. Shots of Jagermeister. Impressive. I can�t really do that. I�m a light weight.�
�You can�t do shots?�
�Well,� I said, �I don�t really hold my alcohol well. That�s the problem.�
�Do you drink beer?�
�Oh, I like a beer every once in a while. It�s just that no matter what I drink I usually don�t drink more than one. Jesus built a limit into my body and I do well to heed the voice of the Lord on such things.�
Her husband came up. I said, �nice to see you again.� He shook my hand.
Professor Ferzan explained to her husband, �I�ve gained a new found respect from another student. You know for the Jagermeister.�
And before I knew what I was saying, before anyone else could stop me, I said, �Oh, no. It�s not respect. You have gained something though. I�m still working out exactly what it is.�
Tom�s hand tightened around my forearm cutting off the circulation. The party guests stopped talking and turned to look at me. If there had been a vinyl record playing, it would have made that �VRRRUUUUPPPPP� sound as the phonograph needle was torn from the groove. I think I could hear wood blocks as my fellow students blinked. You know, like in Looney Toons.
So I tried to salvage the situation by saying, �No, I�m wrong. It is respect.�
I expected the party to resume, but everyone just continued to stare at me.
"I have food poisoning." It was a heavy handed attempt to change the subject.
Tom dragged me to the door and we made a hasty exit. Good thing law school exams are anonymous.
Posted at 11:34 p.m.
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