As you may or may not rememebr, Brett was telling me about Jenny Sue. She works with him at D and she's crazy, but in that charming southern way. You know the way. Anyhow, keep in mind that Jenny Sue is ridiculious.
Jenny Sue recently interviewed for an internal promotion within D. She interviewed for a very coveted position that would put her in close proximity to a number of famous people. According to Brett, because D is D, the interview process always includes an "offbeat" question. Just to see how you handle it.
It seems that this time around, the question is "What kind of shampoo do you use?" I think that's a perfectly valid interview question really. So after her interview, Jenny Sue was telling some people about her experience and she got to the shampoo question.
"And then, and I don't know why, but they asked just the strangest question! They did!" She got red faced, her sing songy southern accent was particularly pronounced. "They asked me, 'what kind of shampoo do you use?' and I just didn't know what to do!
"So I told them, you know it's funny you should ask that. I grew up on a farm, you know, and we always had chickens, and cattle, but the pride of the farm was our show horses. Oh, they were the most wonderful horses!
"Anyway, horse hair is so coarse and dingy when it's left to it's own. It's so rough, and coarse, and rough, horse hair is. So, there's this wonderful product called, Alva Sparkle which we always use on the show ponies. It's wonderful horse shampoo because it just makes their coats shiny and smooth and silky and soft and it smells like clover and sage.
"So, as you know, the humidity here in Florida is just terribnle for people's hair! It's just terrible! And I can't do anything with mine in this humidity. So I was talking with my mamma about this problem I was having with my hair due to the humidity here in Flroida, which as you know is just terrible, and she told me 'Jenny Sue, I have just the thing!'
"So she sent me a care package with some of her world famous, county prize winnin' chocolate oatmeal no bake cookies in a cute little tin with puppies on the lid and also there was a bottle of this horse shampoo. Well! I tried the horse shampoo, and my hair has never been so managable since I moved here to Florida to work at Walt Disney World where the humidity is just terrible for your hair!
"So every month my mamma sends me a care package with a bottle of horse shampoo and I use it just every day. Here smell my hair! Isn't that just like clover and sage! So to answer your question, I use horse shampoo."
Brett took a moment to let that sink in and then he laughed in that cruel way that most gay men can laugh, though it's in no way villanous. "Jenny Sue, you told them you use horse shampoo? What is wrong with you?"
"You don't think I should have told them that, Brett? Hypothetically speaking, of course."
"No. No I don't. That's a ridiculious answer. You couldn't just lie and say 'I use Prell?'"
"Well, honesty is always the best policy, and we do all kinds of crazy stuff to our hair on the pageant circuit anyway. You know me, Brett. I'm a slave to my beauty. Back in my pageant days we used to treat our hair, the morning of the show, with a jar of mayonnaise."
"What?"
"Yes, what you do, Brett, is shampoo and towel dry your hair, now it's very important it's towel dry. If your hair is too damp the mayonnaise won't work. Then, once you've got it towel dry, you take an eight ounce jar of mayonnaise and work it through your hair. Once it's good and gloppy, put a shower cap on and wait for two hours or so. Then you rinse it out. Your hair smells a little like rotten eggs for a day or two, but it's so shiny! We used to say that the mayonnaise was the difference between the winner and the first runner up. And so often it was the difference! I know a lot of beauty tricks like that from my pageant days."
So, Brett doesn't think she has much of a chance at the promotion. If you'd like your own personal Jenny Sue update, please feel free to email Brett here. He may or may not respond. He's reclusive sometimes.
Posted at 12:04 p.m.
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