"Did I tell you I finally got confirmation that Cedric is straight?" K asked.
"Cedric is the guy you've been sleeping with on and off for the past six years, right? You're casual sex guy, right?"
"Yeah, that's him." K adjusted her skirt and sat down behind the desk.
"Well, tell me. How do you know he's straight? What finally convinced you?"
I should tell you that if you met Cedric on the street, you would assume he was gay. He has all the right mannerisms, the perfect clothing, the maticulious apartment, the swishy speech. He even has a job that screams "I AM A HOMO!" Despite all that, he's not attracted to men, which is definitional really. But because everything else about him fit very nicely into the image of homoitude, and because K has an inordinate number of gay friends, K always harbored doubts. She was convinced that one day he would come screaming out of the closet and submerge himself in the life of mansex and debauchery that he seems well suited for. This kind of thing happens from time to time.
K settled in for her story.
"Well, last week we were at The Copa. He wanted to go to Monks, but I told him it would be mad crowded because it was Friday night, so we just went to The Copa. And while we were there, he says, 'hey, do you think we can go back to your place after we finish our mango margaritas?'
"So, I said, 'oh, well. You know. This isn't a good time for that. I've got a--" she punctuated these words with air quotes "--visit from the Cardinal, if you follow.'"
I nodded. She continued. "And do you know what he said to me? He said, 'well, how bad is it?'
"I thought he was joking. I really did. We went back to my place anyway, he slept over without the sex, but it wasn't because he wasn't trying. He kept saying stuff like, 'well, just get a towel' and 'we could just do it in the shower. You know, for easy clean up. I'll even do the cleaning. I'll clean your shower after.'"
I must have been making a face that in some way communicated revulsion and an eagerness to hear the end of the story simultaneously because K started grunting and pointing at me. "OOOH! See! Every gay man I know would be horrified at the very thought!
"So, about half way through the evening, I just start giggling. And I turned to him and I said, 'you're really straight, aren't you. You're not even a little gay. Straight straight straight, huh Cedric?'
"And he looked at me like I was crazy and said, 'um, I've been telling you that for six years, K.'"
"So the fact that you guys have been fuck buddies for six years didn't clue you in?" I asked.
"I don't need to hear it from you too. Now, you're sounding just like my therapist."
I gathered my belongings and hurried away.
Posted at 9:25 a.m.
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