2002-01-27 � the accident

My mom is in town visiting for the weekend. She arrived Friday afternoon and we went straight from the airport to my friend Chris' place for an impromptu dinner party. It was a lovely time. In attendance, me, Tommy Chris (of course), Sharon P, her sister Missy P, and Anne Marie.

One of the things that I love about Chris is that she always has a project going. Some kind of redecorating something. Often she invites me over and as I hit the door she says something like, "grab the other end of that sofa."

The project du jour is a shelf that she found in the trash. It's in really good condition and she had a nice place in her bedroom picked out to hang it. Sharon is a wonder with this kind of stuff, so Chris asked her to help. Chris has bedside tables on both sides of her bed, and on each is a lamp. The lamp has a very cool kind of art deco, glass shade.

Chris said to Sharon, "I'm gonna move this lamp over here, so we don't break it while we hang this shelf." She took the lamp off the table and put it on the floor across the room. Sharon acknowledged this as a good idea.

The rest of us were around the table, chatting and finishing the last of the bread. It was not long before we heard glass shattering and a fairly raucous scream.

A few of those around the table darted into the bedroom to see what was going on. They came staggering out, unable to breathe, laughter consumed them so.

"I thought it was a stool!" came from the bedroom. I rushed into the bedroom. The lamp was in shards on the floor, and Sharron was bent over the bed, glass sticking out of her ass. Chris was trying to see through her laughter enduced tears to pluck some of the shards out.

"I have glass in my ass!" Sharon brayed in her heavy Jersey accent. "There's glass in my ass. I thought it was a stool! It looked like a stool. Get the glass out of my ass."

Mom, being a mom, came in and was, as they say, to the rescue. She adeptly cleaned Sharon up. I watched my mom pick glass shards out of my friend's ass. I watched that.

We tried our best to patch Sharon up. But later that night we got a phone call from Sharon telling us she had to drop he drawers so her dad could get the last remaining shards out of her skin. Her ass skin.

Mom has now officially been shown a good time.

Posted at 12:10 p.m.

previously on Soonernext on Sooner

last five entries

  • making Sense of the State of the Union -- 2
  • Making Sense of the State of the Union -- Pt. 1
  • But I'm Willing to Learn
  • Rough Draft
  • Political Action