2001-07-12 � stink

This morning I was listening to the news on NPR. They had a story about Poland Spring Natural Spring Water. Apparently the bottling plant in Maine messed up and truck loads of water went out "with an unpleasant smell." State officials have tested the stinky water and determined it's safe to consume, it just smells like ass. These truck loads were all sent to New Jersey, where I happen to live.

One week ago I bought a case of Poland Springs Natural Spring Water from the local Acme. So I happened to have some Poland Springs laying around as I listened to the disturbing reports coming out of Maine. The bottle has the following legend: "Found deep in the woods of Maine, Poland Spring natural spring water is exceptionally well protected by nature. For over 150 years, people have appreciated its distinctive, clean, crisp taste. We hope you do to."

I think they should add "And please over look the funk coming from the natural spring water with the distinctive, clean, crisp taste."

I know it's probably all in my head, but I swear that I can see odor lines, like the wavy distortions rising off of pavement in summer coming from my bottle of Poland Springs Natural Spring Water.

I'm not sure exactly what to do with my case of Poland Springs Natural Spring Water. If you'd like to take it off my hands I'll be entertaining best offers at [email protected].

Posted at 12:26 p.m.

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